An absence under a cloud
June 5, 2010 3:30 PM
My goodness, has it really been nearly a month since I last posted?
Why, yes it has. We have a new government (hurrah)! A liberal-conservative coalition (double-hurrah)! Ed Balls may yet end up keeping Labour out of power for a generation (triple-hurrah, fireworks, confetti and street parties)! Life should be good. I should be blogging in praise of the government's wise spending cuts, its rapid scaling back of Labour's surveillance state and its proposed Great Repeal Bill. I should be criticising its absurd 55% dissolution rule, its proposed capital gains tax increase and the Prime Minister's's ill-advised, and thankfully abandoned, attempt to hobble the 1922 Committee.
Why, then - as I've been asked by a few blogging friends recently - have I been silent? Is it, perhaps, because it's hard to blog now that my 'team' isn't in opposition?
Nope: it's a bit less obvious than that. I have, for years, suffered from depression. And last month it came back, with a vengeance, sparked by the end of my long-term relationship and, in no small measure, by my exhaustion at the hands of work and politics.
This is, I suppose, my 'coming out' as someone with a mental health problem (no joking about Tories, please!), albeit from behind an anonymous blog. Even so, it's tougher than I'd anticipated. Mental illness afflicts millions of perfectly normal people in the UK, and yet it's something that many bear as a mark of shame or incapability, rather than as a group of conditions that can be treated. Too many people think that mental illness is always a complete career show-stopper - but take a look at Alastair Campbell, or the stupendously talented Stephen Fry, or any number of other wonderful, successful and powerful people who suffer from it, and it's clear that this needn't't be the case at all.
Unfortunately, though, stigma can make it difficult for some people to come to terms with their condition, and that really can put the brakes on their personal and professional lives. Depression runs in my family, and I've seen its crippling effects when allied with worklessness and low income. For political folk, too, it can be a particularly acute challenge - as Alastair Campbell expressed perfectly when he spoke about his depression back in 2006.
Parliament, whose members work punishing hours and endure endless public oppropbrium and distrust, must have dozens of members suffering from mental illness, yet few (if any) feel able to talk about it (would you vote for a mentally ill candidate, after all?). I think that's a shame. Mental illness is a challenge, to be sure, but by no means an insurmountable one. Friends and family more than prove their value at times like these. And blogging has its place, too.
Acknowledging mental illness and its part in one's life is a big step on the road to being able to deal with it. Which is, I guess, why I felt the need to write this post. Like many sufferers, I have good days and weeks, and bad days and weeks. Dealing with low periods can be an all-consuming experience, exhausting mind, body and spirit with sleeplessness and self-doubt. The last thing I could think about, during my recent low, was writing a blog post.
That, in a nutshell, is why I've been silent here and on Twitter. It's not nice to talk about it, but I'm sure it won't be the last time I have take time out from blogging to deal with my own needs. As I bounce back, I hope I'll be able to get back into my old routine before long.
Someone has to keep shouting at the other side, after all…
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